0:00:00 – Opening
0:07:35 – Ryan Manion. “The Knock at The Door”
2:24:46 – Final thoughts and take-aways.
2:32:54 – How to Stay on THE PATH.
3:00:16 – Closing Gratitude.
201: Life is Precious, Short, and Unpredictable. Don't Wait to Become the Person You Want to Become. “The Knock At The Door” W/ Ryan Manion.
October 30, 2019
|In Podcast Episodes
Outstanding podcast. 4 minutes in to #201 I shut my office door and settled in. Ryan’s story both touched my heart and inspired my in to action. As of 5pm eastern, I’m a proud member of the TMF Spartan Community. Discovered the Jocko Podcast (and Jocko Store) a few weeks ago through a friend and have been ripping through the episodes ever since. I’m a 58 year old VP of Ops for a casual dining restaurant company and know something about leadership. Your perspective is awesome!
Episode 201. This was a hard episode to listen to hear but amazing as well. I just lost my dad last month. He was not only my father but my best friend and my go-to for everything. It was also an unexpected death.
I listen to podcasts at the gym and while I work because, as a Police Officer, I spend most of my day in a car. I had finished at the gym and was on my way out to the city I serve, and Ryan talked about during the viewing, she didn’t want to walk away from his casket and her emotions and thoughts with this. I had not been able to put words to this feeling the night my dad passed and what she talked about during your conversation hit it right on the head.
I was the last one to leave the hospital that night. We all had an hour or more drive home, it was late and none of us had gotten any sleep for the last three or more days. At forty years old, I was one of the younger ones that can still see in the dark to drive so I was charged with driving my aunt home while my wife drove my mom home. I had the hospital staff waiting on me to leave so they could do their jobs. He had passed over an hour before. I needed to go but I couldn’t. Like Ryan said, I would never see his face again. I would never be able to hold his hand again. I wanted to have this memory burned into my brain because I didn’t want to forget his face, what his hand felt like in mine, my pain, my guilt. I had a big part in making the decision on taking him off of life support. The doc said he had less than a one percent chance of any quality of life if everything they tried actually worked. In my mind, one percent is something. My family don’t think like me, but it was my decision that was holding up letting dad go in peace. I finally caved but I still struggle with it because I feel like I gave up on him. I feel like, if roles were reversed, he would have fought his ass off for me.
I hadn’t had a chance yet to truly let go and start the grieving. I had to be the backbone during these days because my mom, sister and rest of the family were a wreck. Understandable so. Mom and dad were married 47 years. He spoiled all of us. She didn’t know anything else but her world with him. I had to turn on the cop mode and not let feelings creep in for the family and make sure we were making the right decisions for dad since he couldn’t.
As I sat there in that dark room looking with a giant window where I knew big and beautiful Mt. Hood was out there in the dark, it all came gushing out all at once. I was crying and begging for him to come back, talk to me just one more time, tell me what to do. I had no idea how to deal with what was happening because my whole world had just been picked up, turned over and dumped out. I have been in some sad, terrifying, brutal situations in my life, but none had ever hit me like this. I have lost several friends and family members and I have been able to just chalk it up to this is just what happens to us all. Not this time. I didn’t know what to do with all of this. I didn’t know and still don’t know what I’m doing with this new life without my dad. I am not only running my own home with my wife and toddler son, but I am also helping mom with taking over on the things my dad would do on their small farm, getting ready for winter. Oh yeah, I have to go to work somewhere in there too. I have an amazing boss who has been super flexible and letting me do what I need to do but then that brings guilt into play because I have a city to take care of as well. Not to mention I have a trainee which has been a nice distraction.
Anyway, I could go on and on about feelings with what’s happened since we lost dad but, really, I just wanted to say thank you for this episode. There were many things that helped me and will continue to help me. The episode title says it all: “Life is Precious, Short, and Unpredictable. Don’t Wait to Become the Person You Want to Become.”
The working out part is a given. I have always needed that time. If I took a picture of my watch every morning when I woke up it would say 0400 as I grab that pre-workout and my work stuff and head to the gym. Writing has also been a big one for me. I write to dad every day. You guys are a great inspiration to me, and I appreciate the podcast. I haven’t jumped on the jiu-jitsu train yet but plan to. There aren’t any places to train locally. Hoping it can happen someday. I will also be ordering “The Knock on the Door” as soon as I can. Hoping to get that first edition.
Sorry for the rambling. hank you for what you do
I recently started listening to the Jocko podcast. As I browsed The Jocko Podcast Website I was looking at all the books Jocko has covered in all his podcast. When I came across the book “The Knock at The Door.” I automatically thought to myself HOLYS#!%. I know that knock all so well. I froze and thought to myself, I have to listen to this episode right now. I mustered the strength to press play. As I sat in my office at the prison I work at I was flooded with a gamut of emotions. From the opening reading I was thrown right back to that day as if it was happening all over. My brother, 1st LT. Osbaldo Orozco was killed in Tikrit, Iraq on April 25, 2003. In the last 19 years I have not cried like I did this day in my office. Every word read from the book and everything Ryan talked about I experience firsthand. For once in the last 19 years, I did not feel alone and lost as I have in the past. No matter the relationship I was in or who was in my life I felt lost and alone. I have never been able to connect with someone where they understood where I was coming from. I have mastered the way to mask my pain and my feelings. I have three other brothers but we have never talked about our feelings or that day we all found out our brother was killed in Iraq. Listening to this podcast I felt a connection I have not felt in a long time. Similar to that feeling a child lost in a grocery store or shopping mall feels when they finally find their mother they were desperately looking for. I still struggle with life and finding myself. My kids have had to pay the price because of it. Listening to this podcast has reassured me I don’t have to continue to feel alone or lost. I have ordered the book and look forward in reading it and at the same time I dread it.
Thank you, Jocko, for putting this podcast together and THANK YOU Ryan Manion for sharing your story, thoughts, and experiences with us. You have encouraged me to write down my experience of The Knock at my door. Hopefully, in doing so it will allow me to break free from this dark windowless room I have placed myself in and allow my grief to transform me.